i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Randomize