She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
A bitchslap is in order.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
