Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
