i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
