I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
