it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
