We're facebook friends in real life
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize