Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
