why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
