Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
