so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
