So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
