Don't you send me to vm
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
