Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
