I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
