Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
