I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
