it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
