She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize