So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
