just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
