This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
