He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
