I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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