I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
