I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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