I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
