Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
