Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
