Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
