I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
