i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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