Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
