i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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