I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
