; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
