I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
