I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
ugly people sure do ruin things
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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