when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize
