I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize