I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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