At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
40s are totally the cure
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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