The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Barsexuality is the new black.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
