I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
