Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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