I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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