I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
