you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
