I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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