When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
