Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
