my sisters under your porch take her home
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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