A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
