People with herpes should wear stickers.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
