I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
