I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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