She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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