The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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