God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
