i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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