you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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