I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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