I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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