Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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