I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
