yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
