3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
