i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
