Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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